My Presidential Platform

Now that the party candidates are for the most part decided and let’s face it – there are no winners here, I think its time to do the only thing a red-blooded American curmudgeon can do and throw my proverbial hat in the ring. Unlike the other candidates I am actually gonna have a presidential platform and announce my plans for the future of America – in writing – right here. […]

Celebrate Another Lost Art

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Click on the shirt to buy online.

Saturday is National Handwriting Day. It is a celebration of the birthday of the signer of the Declaration of Independence with the largest signature, John Hancock. My theory is it was probably put together by the pen manufacturers to try to sell their product. But it shines a light on an important fact. In case you are not aware of it, many schools have stopped teaching cursive handwriting.

I understand why this decision has had to be made. There is a lot to learn and a limited time to teach it. So something has to go. Since all the students are typing on computer keyboards I can see why the decision was made. Its just sad that handwriting has to be one of the things eliminated. […]

Television Advertising Side-Effects

You’ve probably seen many medication advertisements during the commercial breaks in the evening network news. I see a lot of them on the newly-proliferating boomer TV channels. But how many of you actually pay any attention to them? Each one takes about five seconds telling you what it treats and the rest of the minute is used telling about the side-effects. The announcer talks really fast about these side-effects but I wonder if it’s to get them all in during the time or if they want them to go by so fast you don’t take the time to think about what they’re saying. […]

A Self-Sustaining Evil

The other day I was telling some out-to-town relatives about some of the jobs I’ve had. One of these jobs was maintaining a promotional web site for a law firm. Promoting lawyers is one of the toughest sales jobs you could ever imagine. Quick, think of something positive to say about lawyers.

In addition, it was one of the most stratified organizations I’d ever worked for. I was only support staff with years of experience in I.T support. But if you weren’t an actual lawyer, or at least had a JD degree, you were just slightly above pond scum. Support staff in a law firm is only a necessary evil so that the lawyers don’t get their hands dirty with actual work.

So while I was discussing this I realized something and blurted out a Truth.

 If we didn’t have lawyers, we would not need lawyers.

Think about it. Anytime there’s a lawsuit, someone first has to… get a lawyer. Then that lawyer notifies the other party in the suit and they have to… get a lawyer. Then the lawyers take over to settle the suit. No one but lawyers know for sure what happens next. Sorta like butchers and their ingredients used in making sausage.

skidmarks on the highway
What’s the different between a snake and a lawyer on the highway? The skid marks in front of the snake.

Years before I worked at the law firm, the wife of a prominent local lawyer attended a class I was teaching. When I learned who she was, I made the comment that I guess I can’t make any lawyer jokes this term. She said it was ok, she had heard them all. And I’m sure she had. Oh BTW my favorite lawyer joke is shown here on the left.

I’m sure you have heard the quote from Shakespeare, “The first thing we do,  let’s kill all the lawyers.” This is a wish I think we all have that we could live in a utopian, anarchistic society where we did not need some one to represent us in a disagreement. If that society included a workable educational system where we could all learn to diplomatically express ourselves or better yet just not get in each others way to begin with, the dead lawyer idea might be totally workable. In the understated words of Rodney King, “Why can’t we all just get along?” Then we wouldn’t need the first lawyer – which means we would not need the second lawyer and so on. Hey, now that’s a thought!