My Presidential Platform

Now that the party candidates are for the most part decided and let’s face it – there are no winners here, I think its time to do the only thing a red-blooded American curmudgeon can do and throw my proverbial hat in the ring. Unlike the other candidates I am actually gonna have a presidential platform and announce my plans for the future of America – in writing – right here.


Did you know that the code is longer than any novel ever written? And less read? My plan for taxes is simple. A straight, flat 10% across the board. No exemptions! No loopholes! Of course you have to realize thats gonna mean no more exemptions for dependents, house equity, rental costs, moving costs, head of household or anything else I haven’t thought of yet.

Ah, you say, But what about self employed? Come on now, everyone has to live. And even self-employed have to keep records. What ever money comes in to the company and doesn’t leave in support of the company is income. Done and done.

Now I realize this will make the tax code something less than a page long. If elected I vow to keep it that way by not letting the lawyers touch it and fill it with weasel words.


Once the 10% flat tax is adopted the economy will start to take care of itself. There will be no more one percenters – everyone will be a “ten percenter”. First thing you will see is more companies investing in themselves. This will make production higher which will lower prices therefore lowering inflation and salaries will be able to catch up.


It’s time the U.S. stepped down from being the world’s sheriff. There are already plenty of organizations like the UN and the World Court that should be doing the policing of rogue states that fight among themselves or mistreat their own citizens. The existing international police forces need to step up with all countries taking an equal part in maintaining world peace. Of course the U.S. will do its part but not more than its part equal to everyone else.

Defending citizens abroad.

Sometimes an american citizen abroad will be unfairly treated or imprisoned. If that citizen fucks up and does something like killing someone or smuggle drugs that would be illegal in the U.S. anyway, they can stay in that country and rot. But if they are imprisoned for reporting the news or get stuck in a legal system that tries them multiple times for the same crime, well then look out! Here comes Seal Team 6.


I’m thinking that building a wall around the country might be a little extreme. Unless of course you really can get someone else to pay for it. But in any event we do have to tighten up the procedures for non-citizens coming into this country. At the same time let’s make it easier to keep an illegal alien in jail when they fuck up. We can start with either mandatory No Bail or expedited permanent exile for non-citizens committing a crime.


Government must become totally secular. Almost every conflict in the world right now can be directly connected to a religious faction attempting to impose their ways on to another group. If the U.S. wants to lead the world we should start with being an example of official secularism.

Everyone has the right to believe in whatever god or goddess or universal spirit or eternal oblivion or other option they want to. No one has the right to impose their belief on someone else. Within our borders we already have too much of this and it must stop if we are to become the great country we once were. I propose to make it illegal for a non-secular group to impose their will or rules on a person or persons who do not wish to be a part of that group.

Political Process

I think the 2016 campaign has proven that the two party political process is severely broken. Lets do away it. While we are at it let’s do away with the Electoral College and the Primary Delegates. With that crap out of the way we can get rid of the conventions too.

All public officials will be elected purely by the majority of the popular vote. No smokey back rooms, gerrymandering or other smoke and mirrors. The relative population of a state or district shouldn’t matter. Its the number of people who give a shit enough to vote that should matter. The guy what gets the most votes from the people wins. When people see that they have a direct result in who wins instead of their vote count going through some mathematical sausage factory, they will be more inclined to vote.

In conclusion

This is the platform I intend to use during my tenure as President of the United States. If you agree with it please write-in my name when you vote in November. Also I would appreciate it if you ‘Like’ this page in Facebook. To paraphrase a past official – If nominated I will run, if elected I will serve.



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