It Would Be a Fair Trade

As I often say to Snowball, this “Getting Old” thing sucks but its better than the alternative. The aches and pains really make everything a challenge some days. But I’m working on a third choice. When I sleep I leave my neck exposed so that any passing vampires have more than an even chance.

I would easily give up sunrises, sunsets and the hot sun in between for the gift of eternal youth of the undead. Mind you, I don’t think I look that bad now, despite the opinion of my ex-wife. The crows feet give character. The grey hair gives at least the look of maturity. But I wouldn’t mind losing those annoying age spots. Not seeing myself in a mirror could only be a plus.

Dracula - © 1931 - Universal Pictures. All rights reserved.
Dracula is an example of eternal youth – © 1931 – Universal Pictures. All rights reserved.

There is that small problem of needing to drink human blood. Hopefully, with eternal youth, I would be fast enough to catch as many humans as I need to survive. Lord knows there’s enough of them to support the feeding habits of one more member of the vampire race. The challenge is finding ones whose B.A.C. is low enough that a vampire can still fly in a straight line after feeding.

The only thing I would have trouble with is the fashions. I don’t own a tuxedo and haven’t even worn a tie for years except for attending weddings and funerals. Only then if I had respect for the deceased in either case. These days, my dresser drawers are filled with t-shirts and jeans. I would have to be strictly an L.L.Bean style vampire.

Even though I expose my neck, I try to remember to keep the top of my head covered when I sleep. I wouldn’t want any passing zombies to eat my brains. I’m still using them – occasionally.

2 thoughts on “It Would Be a Fair Trade”

    1. That’s a great idea. If I went here I could make that t-shirt and more. All I have to do is search for ‘tuxedo’.

Comments are closed.